The Thousand-Verse Door

[Artemendo]

I like writing poems. There are some short ones on Waluigious... but I have always wanted to write something longer, something epic. This is my attempt at writing the introduction to Paper Mario: TTYD in verse. Is it OK? Is it horrible? Should I continue or does it sound incredibly forced?

Ahem! Today, my listeners dear,
we'll gather 'round the table here
and I'll tell you a tale of yore
about a thousand-year-old door.

A time far in the distant past,
there thrived a town with riches vast.
The people prospered in that land,
their health and happiness were grand...
until some things went out of hand.
From nowhere, tragedy has struck,
what went so well ran out of luck,
the earth was trembling as the skies
filled up with darkness by surprise...
that night has spelt the town's demise.
But with the passing of the moon
the people built a new commune
atop the relics of the old.
What secrets might the ruins hold?
They speak of treasures, power, gold...

In Rogueport our story'll start
with a princess' purity of heart...

-----

"At last, alone!", thought Princess Peach, elated.
"Out of old Toadsworth's patronizing grip.
His paranoid little values are so dated!
Give me some freedom, why, it's just a trip!"
Yet as she looked around the foul and greasy
town plaza full of charlatans and cads,
she did admit she felt a bit uneasy.
"This place here has a flavor... and it's bad!"
Just then, a voice called for the pink-clad ruler.
"Do you mean me?" the princess sprung up, shocked.
"Yes, you! I am a merchant, not a fooler;
would you mayhaps like browsing what I've stocked?
I've got these knickknacks, doodads, special offers!"
Peach pondered which small trinket she found best,
when her eyes met with an intriguing coffer.
"I would indeed have interest in that... chest."
"Uh, hmm... This box," the hooded vendor mumbled,
"None know what it contains, but they all say
a map's therein, and if you ever stumble
upon a pure and noble heart, it may
burst open and be to an ancient treasure
a most reliable and truthful magic guide.
If you can open it, it'll be my pleasure
to let you have whatever is inside."
As Peach's gloved hands grasped the locked coffer tightly,
it shook and rumbled like it was possessed,
the lid flew open, contents shining brightly,
revealing what will lead this epic quest.

-----

A Paratroopa's mail call made a plumber
come out and check the post - a note from Peach!
"For Mario...", Luigi read, "ah, bummer."
"The good ones are for Mario! All! Each!"
Upon return, he called: "Look, bro, a letter!
Your favourite princess writing from afar.
I'll read it, since my pronunciation's better.
'I travel through my realms by ship, plane, car...
A nice vacation! But here comes the kicker:
I found a treasure map that seems legit!
A shady figure sold it. You might snicker,
but I insist you help me search for it!
I have enclosed the map inside this missive;
meet me in Rogueport where we'll start our hunt.
I'll wait impatiently! So please don't be dismissive,
I need your jumping skills, your wit, your stunts!'
Well, see here, there's indeed a map included",
Luigi gave his brother the old chart.
"Let's hope that Princess Peach is not deluded.
Sail off, my bro, with courage in your heart!"

[SMBBQ]

That, Artemendo, was wonderful. I'm being completely serious, it takes a lot of patience and skill to write such a long poem, and you have it down.

I really like how you changed the rhyme scheme in each stanza.

I tip my plumber's hat to you.

[Artemendo]

Aww, thank you, thank you so much!

Would you like me to continue? Write the Prologue, Chapter 1 etc.?

[SMBBQ]

If you think it's possible, then go for it! I'm trying not to sound too demanding though...

[Artemendo]

Next part...

"Excuse me, sir! If you just look ahead,
you'll see your destination 'cross the sea.
Prepare to disembark. I wish you'd be
adventuring some other place instead.
That Rogueport town is one repugnant hole.
But if you say a princess waits for you...
not that I think it likely to be true...
Be careful there, and may you reach your goal."
The ship left our hero on the docks.
A salty wind perturbed his bushy stache,
the stench of Bob-Omb sailors, fish and ash,
the austere chilly surf against the rocks.
This was no harbor for the faint of heart.
No sign of Peach agog at his return
and in his mind the saplings of concern,
a search for her the plumber had to start.
Two fresh boots on and hammer in his hand
the red-cap boldly stepped towards the square,
but stopped as a girl's voice exclaimed with scare
"What do you want, freak?! What have you guys planned?!"
He turned around and saw a Goomba lass
being confronted by a purple brute
with glasses, horns, scarf, cape and cross-mark suit
whose manners were the opposite of class.
"You don't play dumb with me, you little pest!"
the violet fiend hissed madly through his mask.
"The Crystal Stars! We've seen you search and ask!
Tell all you know or face eternal rest!"
"I won't say jack to you, you four-eyed creep!"
the Goomba cried as Mario drew near
and, sighting him, hid at his back in fear.
"And who are YOU? I'll make your smug face weep!"
The plumber knew that doodoo just got real.
His mallet swooshed and hit the horned guy's gut
who recompensed by stomping with his butt -
which Mario could (right in time) repeal
as the pink Goomba called the jerk's attacks.
In a few minutes, the X-man fell down.
The hero smiled, but this turned to a frown
as the foe cried: "We accept no setbacks!"
With one such call, an army of white blokes,
each like the purple slimeball, but less tall,
charged from all sides in a chaotic brawl,
but luckily, they turned out to be jokes
as Mario and the blonde Goomba gal
could simply crawl out from beneath the mess
and disappear, leaving the squad to guess
how they could fail like that. "Where's the MORALE?!"

I still laugh at "doodoo just got real".

[SMBBQ]

I misread the line about Goombella at first. In all seriousness, this is great. The others better log on and read it soon, I'm sure they'll all love it too.

[EpicGyllynn]

Wow, just wow... That was amazing, Artemendo... Amazing...

[Le Mario Bro]

Whoa...

One of my... Nay. My absolute favourite Mario game out of the whole series, RPG or no, that which I once believed could not be improved in any way, and you put it into verse.

"You, son, are my HERO!
You're great! Fantastic!
WONDERFUL even!" -Professor Frankly, 2004

[Artemendo]

Thank you all so much, guys! Well, this has been fun so far, so I think I will continue writing it.

[SMBBQ]

All right, I can't wait to read more!

[Artemendo]

Next part!

In safety, near the center of the city,
the hero and the Goomba took a break.
"Thank you so much! My outlook wasn't pretty,
but you beat down like it's a piece of cake!
That guy, Lord Crump or what's-his-face, is trouble.
I have to give you some sort of reward!"
So she jumped up and smooched the hero's stubble.
In Mario's soul, that struck a special chord.
"My name's Goombella! At the time, I study
old lore at University of Goom.
And what's your name, my new life-saving buddy?"
The plumber spoke his name, as you'd presume.
Goombella's eyes lit up in adoration.
"THE Mario? The famous guy? Oh, wow!
But... here?! This town's no place for recreation.
I guess you also did arrive just now..."
A nod confirmed her. "Me, I hate it here!
There's freaks and weirdos everywhere! Repulsive!
Well, 'Rogueport' says it - no one is sincere,
gangs, criminals, it makes me go convulsive.
In fact, the only reason why I came:
a legendary treasure, that's the rumor."
Suprised, the hero told he seeked the same.
He then took out the map. "So it's no humor...
but where did you obtain that crucial clue?"
"..." - "From Princess Peach?" the Goomba girl repeated.
"Great hoogly-boogly!" came out of the blue -
'twas Toadsworth! "Master Mario!" he greeted.
"How nice to see you in this wretched place!
Quite a coincidence! What is your current mission?"
Bewilderment crossed the retainer's face.
"Her Highness wants a treasure expedition?
That's news to me! Did you meet up already?"
Red Cap Man shook his head. "That's what I feared.
Her discipline is awful! So unsteady!
I looked away - she simply disappeared!"
Poor Mario saw where his day was going...
"When will that headstrong monarch ever learn?
She's gone! For now, there's just no way of knowing
how likely Princess Peach is to return."
The old Toad sighed. "I can't provide directions...
and I feel this is better left to you.
I'll have a spot of tea and some confections
at yonder inn across the square. Adieu!"
As Toadsworth walked away, the girl proceeded.
"So, Princess Peach, the Mushroom Kingdom's head?
And now she's gone? Just great, that's we needed.
Maybe she tried to search for clues ahead.
Oh, oh! I know! Come with me, there's a teacher
from U Goom living somewhere in this town.
Now that I think about it, he did feature
the treasure here in his research breakdown.
I don't quite know his home's exact location...
but certainly we'll find it, so let's go!"
Goombella at his side, their exploration
began of Rogueport and what lay below...

Guys, sorry for being slow, but rhyming is hard. I am ashamed of rhyming "head" with "ahead"...
I would also like to know the opinion of those who haven't commented yet. If you dislike it, please tell me! I can take critique!

[SMBBQ]

Hey, no sweat. Rhyming is tough. Especially when you're writing a poem recounting an RPG. This one's the funniest in my humble opinion, and it's still awesome. Toadsworth made me laugh, as usual.

[Artemendo]

Thank you. I also am trying to have the same general points in their speech, in the same order, even the original terms/expressions if they fit. That's also a bit restrictive.

[Le Mario Bro]

I think there's only, like, three of us that commented on your poem, Artemendo.

And KingKoopa's suddenly dropped off the face of the Earth. I would think that HE, of all people, would have a few things to say about this.

Still, I'm not complaining with how long it's taking. I mean, so long as you don't completely abandon it.

You wouldn't wanna get Mr. Chainsaw and me upset now, do you?

*BrRrRrRrRr*

Answer quickly...

[Artemendo]

Yeah. I really wonder what the others think... I think it's funny, and it's a pleasure to make, but if most people on there find it repulsive and it makes them go convulsive, then I shouldn't be doing this.

[SMBBQ]

I can't imagine anyone not liking it. I mean, it's a sincere attempt at something most people wouldn't try.

[Le Mario Bro]

Well, if the others don't like it, that's their thing.
To me, it's not a peom, but more like something to sing.

Each verse slips off the tounge so smooth and so slick,
And it's to be savored, not be done flighty and quick.

This game is a treasure, and what you've done is so grand.
I hope it continues on 'til the game ends, shoefly rubberband.

...Shut up, I couldn't find anything else to rhyme...

[SMBBQ]

Yeah, I've been singing it to the tune of The Crystal Star theme in the final battle.

[Artemendo]

Oh, thank you both so much. Well, you know what, you're right. No matter what the others think of this now, I'll just continue UNTIL they like it!

[SMBBQ]

Well, this part of the forum is kinda desolate. I only saw this by accident, and it's possible they just don't check down here.