Post by Toomai on Dec 24, 2008 20:15:08 GMT -5
Smasher Shorts is a small, stream-of-consciousness story series (well, it may be a series eventually) that I type when I need a break from doing other things. Don't expect to have these frequently by any standard timescale. If you really want more of this kind of Smash Bros.-type fanfiction, the go to Ask The Smashers.
Smasher Shorts
Volume 1: A Christmas Caper
“Hey Fox, heads up.”
Fox turned his head only to get blasted by a massive snowball. Bowser laughed as the space animal dug his way out of the ground.
Link rolled his eyes. “C’mon guys, we don’t need a snow fight to break out. We wanna find a tree and get back inside for some hot chocolate, right?”
A group of six Smashers was in the Faunal Forest on their annual quest for a Christmas tree. The Smashers randomly chosen this year were Link, Bowser, Fox, R.O.B., Marth, and Diddy.
“What kind of tree do you guys usually get?” asked Diddy, who was hopping through branches.
“Spruce most years,” replied Link. “We had a balsam fir once, but it wasn’t the best.”
The Faunal Forest wasn’t a very structured forest; various types of trees were placed seemingly willy-nilly. This fact made a search for a certain kind of tree somewhat difficult. Luckily, most of the tree searchers this year weren’t children, reducing pointless running around.
After about half an hour, a pair of suitable spruces were found in the same spot.
“The one on the left’s a bit taller, and taller is always good.” Fox had measured the trees with his headset.
“Height is not the issue. The best quality of a tree is how full it is, and the one on the right has a fuller figure.” Marth was usually picky on such things.
“Percentage of decoratable area does appear larger on specimen B by twelve percent.” Of all of R.O.B.’s technologies, his natural-language speech synthesizer was possibly the least advanced.
“Whadda you know, you tin heap?” Bowser snorted. “A tree has gotta reach the ceiling, and since your ‘specimen B’ is a full Bowser-fist too short, it loses.”
“Well, I like the one on the right,” voted Link. Diddy also nodded.
Fox shrugged. “At least there wasn’t a wrong choice here.”
“Maybe to you, you weak-willed wombat.”
Link rolled his eyes again and brought out a small communicator. “Tree-seekers here. Five Smashers, a tree, and a Grinch to jump back.”
Smash HQ’s main computer responded. “*bong* Okay then. Just put the communicator on the tree and I’ll fling you back over here.”
“Okay, XL.” Link placed the device on the bottom of the tree’s trunk. A few seconds later, the Smashers vanished in flashes of colour, while the tree also disappeared with a neat cut at its base where the communicator was stuck.
***
Super Smash Bros. Headquarters was located at the center of the Smashic Universe in the middle of the Peaceful Plain. Today, the Smashers not on the tree hunt were busy decorating the rest of the campus. Different Smashers were working on distinct areas and buildings, getting the job done quickly.
Once all building interiors were complete and some exteriors were done, XL’s magnified voice rang out across the campus.
“*bing* The tree’s arriving in a few seconds, so look busy, why don’cha!”
Yoshi, who was busy attaching tinsel to the outside of Kirby’s Mess Hall, looked down at the base of Smasher Tower to see the tree party and a nice big specimen appear right next to the ladder Sheik was currently standing on.
“Ooh.” Yoshi waved down at Kirby, who was feeding the tinsel up from the bottom of the wall and couldn’t see. “Get up here Kirbs, it’s a nice one this year.”
Smashers started drifting away from their decorating to get a look at the tree, which was being placed into its stand.
“Remind me again why we can’t just Space Jump the tree into the stand and inside the building,” grumbled DK. Holding up the tree was no problem, but the needles were a different story.
R.O.B. replied, ignoring (or oblivious to) the sarcasm. “While Space Jumps are useful, they do not have the accuracy required to place a tree in a stand within a few centimetres of the ceiling.”
“Rmmph.” DK put the tree into the circular base. Pichu hit the switch to lock it in place.
“You can move the tree into the lounge now, XL,” Peach spoke into the air.
“*bong* Okay then. *bing* Stand back, ya lummoxes!”
The tree vanished, while a flash of light shone through the second-story windows of Smasher Tower. All the young Smashers ran into the building to get the tree decorating started. Everyone else got back to whatever they were doing, while the tree party stepped into Kirby’s for some hot chocolate.
Except for Fox, of course.
“Coffee, black.” The automated coffee maker sprang to life, spurting dark liquid into a mug labelled “My Other Car is a Landmaster”.
“Don’t be a Scrooge, Fox.” Link sipped his marshmallow-topped beverage. “Coffee isn’t a festive drink.”
“Why not?” Fox retorted. “Kirby gave the coffee maker a Santa hat.”
Loud bangs emanated from the ceiling, causing some extra holographic snow to fall. A few seconds later, Yoshi hopped off the roof and entered the cafeteria.
“K’s Mess Hall’s all decorated up,” he reported, grabbing some hot chocolate for himself.
“What about the rest of the campus?” asked Marth.
“Lesse here…” Yoshi looked out the window as he counted off on his fingers. After some thinking, he responded. “I think the Training Gym is almost done, while Smasher Tower is decorated up to floor 9 or something.”
Bowser gathered up a snowball using the holographic snow and threw it at Yoshi’s nose. The snowball splatted on his face and then faded.
“Holographic snow is like the funnest thing ever,” said Yoshi. “It was Pikachu’s idea; you can have a snow fight indoors all you want without getting wet, being frozen, or destroying things. And it doesn’t pile up beyond ten centimetres. We’ve installed it here, Smasher Tower, the Training Gym, and the Media Hall.”
Sheik entered the mess hall. “Smasher Tower is done.”
“Coolio.” Yoshi made for the door. “Come see you guys, we set up dynamic lights this year. That Isle of Ancients technology really steps it up a notch.”
Everyone left Kirby’s to see that Smasher Tower had dozens of strings of lights flashing various colours. XL’s megaphone on the rooftop was playing Christmas music interspersed with various video game musics such as Shiver Snowfield, Phendrana Drifts, Click Clock Winter, and Snowpeak Ruins.
Yoshi whipped out his camera and took a picture. “Best decorations we’ve had so far. Makes last year’s just look like tar!”
“What are some examples of decorations of previous years?” asked R.O.B.
“Strings of static lights, standard tinsel, maybe a lawn ornament,” responded Fox. “Nothing as flashy as holographic snow. Your tech really helps us out here.”
“Admiration accepted.”
Bowser rolled his eyes. “Oh please. We could’ve done this kind of stuff if you had the drive. But whatever, who cares anyway. Let’s go.” He motioned to Ganondorf, who was standing a few meters away, wearing a Santa Hat plastered onto his head by Morth 24-Hour Adhesive (you could tell by the oaky smell).
Pichu burst out of Smasher Tower; not in the expected excited rush, but in a panic. He ran up to Yoshi and spewed an incomprehensible stream of blabber.
The dino picked up the Pokémon by the ears and held him in front of his face. “Slow down, you linguistical train wreck!”
Pichu took a few deep breaths and started speaking in a more understandable way. “We was doin the tree…an’ Mistah Game und Watch was there, he was using the viddy cam…but someone droppeded a ball, an’ he stepped on it…and he started leaking over the floor…”
All the Smashers in earshot were suddenly up in arms. Due to Mr. Game & Watch’s transdimensional nature, whenever a sharp object causes what would normally be a cut or piercing, a subspacial rift is created that spews Shadow Bugs.
A few seconds after Pichu said his spiel, XL’s serious voice blared out across the grounds. “*bong* WARNING! Shadow Bugs detected in the immediate vicinity! All Smashers report to the lounge!”
“Let’s go!” All the Smashers dropped whatever they were doing and rushed into Smasher Tower.
The scene in the lounge wasn’t bad to look at. All the kids seemed okay and were merely hiding behind tables and chairs. Mr. Game & Watch had managed to patch up his foot, while the Shadow Bugs that had appeared had latched onto the tree in the center of the room.
“What’s the plan?” were the first words out of Falco’s mouth.
“Well, we wanna destroy the Shadow Bugs while keeping the tree intact,” said Pikachu.
“Or at least shake them off the tree,” said Roy. “Then they can be pounded without a problem.”
DK instantly reared up and pounded the floor, causing the furniture to jump and Pikachu, Pichu, and Lucario to yelp in pain. About half of the Shadow Bugs fell off the tree and scurried around. Various Smashers stomped them out.
“If we stick something else on the tree, they might leave the tree to go after it,” said Pit.
“Okay then.” Dedede wound up and smashed Pit into the wall, KOing him instantly. Pit then popped out of the wall because of the auto-fixing replicators in place.
“You could have at least warned him.” Ike placed the Pit trophy just touching one on the tree’s limbs. Instantly, the Shadow Bugs moved into the bait. However, their small numbers meant that they could not completely cover the target.
“Now what?” asked Kirby.
“We…uh…” Yoshi thought for a bit. “Oh crud, I have a creativity block right now.”
The Shadow Bugs dropped off the Pit trophy. They then formed a Subspacial Pit.
“…well that makes things easier.” Yoshi pounded his face on the tiny enemy, destroying it instantly. “Stupid things need to realize that size matters.”
Olimar revived Pit, who looked around dazed. “Why did you do that?”
Dedede shrugged. “Cuz I wanted to! Hyuk hyuk hyuk!”
With the enemy repelled, the Smashers could look at the decorated (thought slightly unbalanced) tree in peace. Enjoyment was had all around.
Smasher Shorts
Volume 1: A Christmas Caper
“Hey Fox, heads up.”
Fox turned his head only to get blasted by a massive snowball. Bowser laughed as the space animal dug his way out of the ground.
Link rolled his eyes. “C’mon guys, we don’t need a snow fight to break out. We wanna find a tree and get back inside for some hot chocolate, right?”
A group of six Smashers was in the Faunal Forest on their annual quest for a Christmas tree. The Smashers randomly chosen this year were Link, Bowser, Fox, R.O.B., Marth, and Diddy.
“What kind of tree do you guys usually get?” asked Diddy, who was hopping through branches.
“Spruce most years,” replied Link. “We had a balsam fir once, but it wasn’t the best.”
The Faunal Forest wasn’t a very structured forest; various types of trees were placed seemingly willy-nilly. This fact made a search for a certain kind of tree somewhat difficult. Luckily, most of the tree searchers this year weren’t children, reducing pointless running around.
After about half an hour, a pair of suitable spruces were found in the same spot.
“The one on the left’s a bit taller, and taller is always good.” Fox had measured the trees with his headset.
“Height is not the issue. The best quality of a tree is how full it is, and the one on the right has a fuller figure.” Marth was usually picky on such things.
“Percentage of decoratable area does appear larger on specimen B by twelve percent.” Of all of R.O.B.’s technologies, his natural-language speech synthesizer was possibly the least advanced.
“Whadda you know, you tin heap?” Bowser snorted. “A tree has gotta reach the ceiling, and since your ‘specimen B’ is a full Bowser-fist too short, it loses.”
“Well, I like the one on the right,” voted Link. Diddy also nodded.
Fox shrugged. “At least there wasn’t a wrong choice here.”
“Maybe to you, you weak-willed wombat.”
Link rolled his eyes again and brought out a small communicator. “Tree-seekers here. Five Smashers, a tree, and a Grinch to jump back.”
Smash HQ’s main computer responded. “*bong* Okay then. Just put the communicator on the tree and I’ll fling you back over here.”
“Okay, XL.” Link placed the device on the bottom of the tree’s trunk. A few seconds later, the Smashers vanished in flashes of colour, while the tree also disappeared with a neat cut at its base where the communicator was stuck.
***
Super Smash Bros. Headquarters was located at the center of the Smashic Universe in the middle of the Peaceful Plain. Today, the Smashers not on the tree hunt were busy decorating the rest of the campus. Different Smashers were working on distinct areas and buildings, getting the job done quickly.
Once all building interiors were complete and some exteriors were done, XL’s magnified voice rang out across the campus.
“*bing* The tree’s arriving in a few seconds, so look busy, why don’cha!”
Yoshi, who was busy attaching tinsel to the outside of Kirby’s Mess Hall, looked down at the base of Smasher Tower to see the tree party and a nice big specimen appear right next to the ladder Sheik was currently standing on.
“Ooh.” Yoshi waved down at Kirby, who was feeding the tinsel up from the bottom of the wall and couldn’t see. “Get up here Kirbs, it’s a nice one this year.”
Smashers started drifting away from their decorating to get a look at the tree, which was being placed into its stand.
“Remind me again why we can’t just Space Jump the tree into the stand and inside the building,” grumbled DK. Holding up the tree was no problem, but the needles were a different story.
R.O.B. replied, ignoring (or oblivious to) the sarcasm. “While Space Jumps are useful, they do not have the accuracy required to place a tree in a stand within a few centimetres of the ceiling.”
“Rmmph.” DK put the tree into the circular base. Pichu hit the switch to lock it in place.
“You can move the tree into the lounge now, XL,” Peach spoke into the air.
“*bong* Okay then. *bing* Stand back, ya lummoxes!”
The tree vanished, while a flash of light shone through the second-story windows of Smasher Tower. All the young Smashers ran into the building to get the tree decorating started. Everyone else got back to whatever they were doing, while the tree party stepped into Kirby’s for some hot chocolate.
Except for Fox, of course.
“Coffee, black.” The automated coffee maker sprang to life, spurting dark liquid into a mug labelled “My Other Car is a Landmaster”.
“Don’t be a Scrooge, Fox.” Link sipped his marshmallow-topped beverage. “Coffee isn’t a festive drink.”
“Why not?” Fox retorted. “Kirby gave the coffee maker a Santa hat.”
Loud bangs emanated from the ceiling, causing some extra holographic snow to fall. A few seconds later, Yoshi hopped off the roof and entered the cafeteria.
“K’s Mess Hall’s all decorated up,” he reported, grabbing some hot chocolate for himself.
“What about the rest of the campus?” asked Marth.
“Lesse here…” Yoshi looked out the window as he counted off on his fingers. After some thinking, he responded. “I think the Training Gym is almost done, while Smasher Tower is decorated up to floor 9 or something.”
Bowser gathered up a snowball using the holographic snow and threw it at Yoshi’s nose. The snowball splatted on his face and then faded.
“Holographic snow is like the funnest thing ever,” said Yoshi. “It was Pikachu’s idea; you can have a snow fight indoors all you want without getting wet, being frozen, or destroying things. And it doesn’t pile up beyond ten centimetres. We’ve installed it here, Smasher Tower, the Training Gym, and the Media Hall.”
Sheik entered the mess hall. “Smasher Tower is done.”
“Coolio.” Yoshi made for the door. “Come see you guys, we set up dynamic lights this year. That Isle of Ancients technology really steps it up a notch.”
Everyone left Kirby’s to see that Smasher Tower had dozens of strings of lights flashing various colours. XL’s megaphone on the rooftop was playing Christmas music interspersed with various video game musics such as Shiver Snowfield, Phendrana Drifts, Click Clock Winter, and Snowpeak Ruins.
Yoshi whipped out his camera and took a picture. “Best decorations we’ve had so far. Makes last year’s just look like tar!”
“What are some examples of decorations of previous years?” asked R.O.B.
“Strings of static lights, standard tinsel, maybe a lawn ornament,” responded Fox. “Nothing as flashy as holographic snow. Your tech really helps us out here.”
“Admiration accepted.”
Bowser rolled his eyes. “Oh please. We could’ve done this kind of stuff if you had the drive. But whatever, who cares anyway. Let’s go.” He motioned to Ganondorf, who was standing a few meters away, wearing a Santa Hat plastered onto his head by Morth 24-Hour Adhesive (you could tell by the oaky smell).
Pichu burst out of Smasher Tower; not in the expected excited rush, but in a panic. He ran up to Yoshi and spewed an incomprehensible stream of blabber.
The dino picked up the Pokémon by the ears and held him in front of his face. “Slow down, you linguistical train wreck!”
Pichu took a few deep breaths and started speaking in a more understandable way. “We was doin the tree…an’ Mistah Game und Watch was there, he was using the viddy cam…but someone droppeded a ball, an’ he stepped on it…and he started leaking over the floor…”
All the Smashers in earshot were suddenly up in arms. Due to Mr. Game & Watch’s transdimensional nature, whenever a sharp object causes what would normally be a cut or piercing, a subspacial rift is created that spews Shadow Bugs.
A few seconds after Pichu said his spiel, XL’s serious voice blared out across the grounds. “*bong* WARNING! Shadow Bugs detected in the immediate vicinity! All Smashers report to the lounge!”
“Let’s go!” All the Smashers dropped whatever they were doing and rushed into Smasher Tower.
The scene in the lounge wasn’t bad to look at. All the kids seemed okay and were merely hiding behind tables and chairs. Mr. Game & Watch had managed to patch up his foot, while the Shadow Bugs that had appeared had latched onto the tree in the center of the room.
“What’s the plan?” were the first words out of Falco’s mouth.
“Well, we wanna destroy the Shadow Bugs while keeping the tree intact,” said Pikachu.
“Or at least shake them off the tree,” said Roy. “Then they can be pounded without a problem.”
DK instantly reared up and pounded the floor, causing the furniture to jump and Pikachu, Pichu, and Lucario to yelp in pain. About half of the Shadow Bugs fell off the tree and scurried around. Various Smashers stomped them out.
“If we stick something else on the tree, they might leave the tree to go after it,” said Pit.
“Okay then.” Dedede wound up and smashed Pit into the wall, KOing him instantly. Pit then popped out of the wall because of the auto-fixing replicators in place.
“You could have at least warned him.” Ike placed the Pit trophy just touching one on the tree’s limbs. Instantly, the Shadow Bugs moved into the bait. However, their small numbers meant that they could not completely cover the target.
“Now what?” asked Kirby.
“We…uh…” Yoshi thought for a bit. “Oh crud, I have a creativity block right now.”
The Shadow Bugs dropped off the Pit trophy. They then formed a Subspacial Pit.
“…well that makes things easier.” Yoshi pounded his face on the tiny enemy, destroying it instantly. “Stupid things need to realize that size matters.”
Olimar revived Pit, who looked around dazed. “Why did you do that?”
Dedede shrugged. “Cuz I wanted to! Hyuk hyuk hyuk!”
With the enemy repelled, the Smashers could look at the decorated (thought slightly unbalanced) tree in peace. Enjoyment was had all around.
